Who am I?

Before you start panicking and think that I’m going to go off on a psychological rant about who I am and what my place is on this Earth…. I’m not going to do that (because well, who knows). I’m talking more about who am I on this blog?

I feel like I come off a bit wishy-washy and my blog posts are all over the place, so no one really gets what’s going on or what I’m about. If you get it, then congratulations. You’ll have to tell me how you got there and show me, because I have no freaking clue what I’m doing with this blog.

Don’t get me wrong; I love my blog. It’s been a part of my life for a very long time now and I’ve seeked solace in it many a time, but I don’t know whether my blog should be going in a certain direction.

I think I should take this chance to re-introduce myself because I’ve changed a lot since I started writing on this blog. RE: A post in 2009.

Let’s start off simply with my name. My name is Chynna. I go by Chynna Ashley on this blog but that isn’t my actual last name. I am currently 21 years old, a graduate and have no fucking clue what to do with my life. Don’t get me wrong; things are great right now – great as they can be. I have an internship, which is going really well and it’s paid. I’m getting the experience I need to further myself in the media industry. I’m actually putting my stupid degree to use. Yet, I still have no clue what I’m doing.

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Lately I’ve been having these pretty vivid dreams of owning my own apartment (I partially blame Leprakhauns because he’s currently moving house and it’s making me want to move because living with my parents is not a situation I desire anymore). I want to get a stable job that pays well, so I can get my own apartment. I need space to breathe because my parents are always hovering over my shoulder. It doesn’t help that I still share a room with my sister. She’s 14 now. You can see why I need space.

I wish I was one of those people who had a 5-year plan but I’m a lazy motherfucker, and let’s face it that never would have worked for me. I deviate, however.

My main passion is writing. Ever since I was little I’ve enjoyed writing short stories. Instead of doing the work in class, I’d be writing a story about how stupid my teachers were and creating worlds where I was the boss of them. The dream is to get published. Even if only a handful of people read my book, I would be glad and I would embrace them because they took time out of their day to read something I wrote. I just want to write to make people smile, laugh and be happy.

It’s funny how life throws curveballs at us. Did you know I originally planned to do Journalism at Coventry? I didn’t get in because I got really shitty grades, and I bombed the interview because the lady who runs the course intimidated me. I don’t take intimidation very well. Instead I was knocked onto the path of Communication, Culture and Media and I was left standing there like a baby duckling who has no clue what the fuck is going on.

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Needless to say, it turned out well. I studied in China. I visited Norway. I made a small tight-knit bunch of friends for life. I had drama. I had boy-drama. I cried, I laughed, I smoked, I drank, I partied, I smiled, I kissed, and so much more throughout university that it would be stupid to say that they weren’t some good times. University changes you. It forces you to see things from other people’s perspectives. It can confuse you with its Harvard Referencing System, which you will never use again once you finish your degree.

It’s definitely made me realise that there are some things that you should just keep to yourself. There are people who you think are your friends but are really looking to backstab you (no, really). It also makes you feel safe in a bubble for 3 years. I mean it’s great; you get student loans every couple of months and then a summer job to tide you over until the next year. Suddenly, when you get to your last year everything seems to whoosh by and next thing you know you’re graduating and you’re stuck in a retail job (I was for about 4 months. It was hell on Earth).

So, who am I? I think I’m just like any other graduate who’s stuck in a sort of limbo. Finding comfort in writing is incredibly rewarding. It means I get to create award winning posts like this one here. (Joke).

I think I’m the sort of person who finds more joy in watching television in her onesie. Or curling up on the sofa with a good book and a cup of tea. Or penning dramatic fiction about the tormented soul of a girl in love. Or you know, whatever.

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If that means not knowing what direction this blog will go in, then so be it. As to what I plan to do with this blog? Whatever the fuck I want. Peace out.

Did I go off on a psychological rant? I’m not sure.

Hey, you. Yeah, YOU. You should become a guest poster. I’d really like that. In fact, I’d love it.

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15 Comments

  1. January 24, 2014 / 3:48 pm

    Hey HEY
    We’re so coordinated! You did a ‘who am I on this blog’ post, while I did a ‘who am I on this earth’ post… because I’m dramatic like that, and you’re pragmatic like that 😉 Haha.
    Anyway I know exactly where you’re taking this blog, my friend. Anywhere you bleddy like! I think that’s the point. If you have to follow some kind of agenda and post only on Tuesday about cats or something, then you’re going to get bored, and that’s not how you write a blog. We all started writing for a different reason, and I think for it to mean something to us, we have to continue writing for our own reasons and in our own ways.
    I think now it’s particularly difficult because the network of bloggers has shrunk slightly – I don’t know where half of them have gone- and generally a lot of people have changed. We’re in new stages of our lives, so even if some of the original people we knew from the beginning have made it this far, they aren’t the same people they were. Just like you say about yourself. We’re so different now!
    But I suppose that’s what makes everything so interesting. There’s new voices on the internet, and old voices have new perspectives. So I’d say you don’t need to know where you going with all your posts. You post when you feel it’s right, when you have something to say, and the people who care read it, and comment and discuss and write their own! That’s bloggin’! 😉
    I found it really interesting to hear about your uni experiences. Because obviously (provided I get the grades) I’m going to be going there soon. It’s weird because I have no preconceptions about it apart from the varying comments I get from people about it, so to me, it could be absolutely anything. It’s pretty scary actually, but I’m currently trusting in the idea that it gives new experiences and a new pair of glasses to look out of. I like that thought anyway.
    And finally, I agree with you. I’ve never been one of the 5-year-plan people. I don’t think I’d want to be. I mean, my aim in 5 years is not to get to the end of those 5 years by following a plan meticulously. It’s important to have some sort of dream, and maybe make some steps to it so that it becomes realistic, but it’s also cool to keep that freshness about it, and the ability to react to your natural feelings about the situation you are in. I’m sorry that you feel kind of lost for it – I guess that’s the curse. But I think you’re fantastic, and you’ve never stopped doing what you loved. And so, if you want to be a writer, just keep writing… forever!
    Is it only journalism you are interested in, because if you were into fiction-writing, then maybe you ought to start on the first big novel idea or something? And while you’re internshipping (I think I just coined a new tumblr phrase), you could plan it all out, leading a sort of writer-worker double life! It’ll take some years to actually write a book, so you could do that while you’re working. Anyways, I’m only suggesting things! One of these suggestions might give you some inspiration haha! 🙂
    But whatever, what I think you should consider, is to take that dream you always had and make it real. Forget this perception of life we are instilled with for just a second. Think ‘I can do this’. And then do it.
    You’re awesome, Chynna, and if you’re really lost, then I’m very happy to be lost with you!
    Sir Sophus the Great
    x

    • January 26, 2014 / 12:59 pm

      Dear Sir Sophus the Great,

      You are indeed great. Thank you for your wonderful comment 🙂 The only sort of agenda I stick to is to at least write a post once a week (or whenever I feel inspired) but as you can see I write about anything I want. 😛

      You are so right that the bloggers I once knew are gone and yet I’ve discovered this whole other network, and blogs are are now divided into niches and it just confuses me. Why can’t a blog just be a blog!

      One thing I can guarantee you’re going to have at university is fun. No-one can take that away from you 🙂

      I was into journalism for about 2 seconds but I realised fiction writing is more my forte. Coincidentally I am working on a novel whilst working at the moment. You know me so well!

      You’re awesome too, Soph!

      X

  2. January 25, 2014 / 2:42 am

    Hullo!

    You’re absolutely right about HRA- I haven’t used it since I finished my damn thesis. I did have to learn APA though and use that for work though, which is a whole other bag of nonsense.

    It’s also difficult to live with one’s parents (no matter how much you love them!) after having lived away for a while! I hadn’t lived with my parents for a decade and I’ve just moved back in- it’s weird how quickly I regress to being 16 years old {and I don’t have the excuse of my teenaged sibling rubbing off on me)!

    xx

    • January 26, 2014 / 12:55 pm

      Oh god, thesis! Have you checked out lolmythesis.com? I couldn’t ever imagine learning another referencing style. I’d probably murder someone.

      I definitely feel like I’m 16 years old again! I really need my independence, again. D:

      • January 26, 2014 / 1:24 pm

        Haha, yeah! I don’t feel quite as bad about my research proposals when I look at some of the ones people have actually finished!

        Here’s to independence!

  3. Joy
    January 25, 2014 / 6:44 pm

    Ugh! I feel like I wrote this post.

    Girl, I know exactly how you feel. Only, I think you’re on a more successful route than I am. You have ambition and you ooze confidence. At least here on your blog. I don’t think you’ll have any trouble finding work in the field you studied in because of your knowledge, experience AND interest in communication, culture and media. Believe it or not, watching Television counts!

    You’ll be able to get your own place soon. And I hope you enjoy it and have the time of your life. You are already a million times more mature than I was at your age a few years ago. Even now…even though you still look 16 lol.

    I hope you pursue your writing too! I throughly enjoy your entries here. I’ll be interested in reading something of yours. I love to write but don’t think I’m good enough to be a legit author but if you ever feel like making an exchange or just want some support or insight, feel to shoot me an email or something.

    Keep being awesome!

    • January 26, 2014 / 12:53 pm

      Aw, Joy! Thank you – but what I ooze in confidence here, I lack in the real world. It’s so much easier to be confident online, for me. Which kind of sucks. I’m working on it, though. I’m going to continue my television watching to the MAX.

      I was thinking have adding a writing section to my blog to showcase some of my work. I’m still on the fence about it, though. 😀

      You keep being awesome too!

  4. January 25, 2014 / 10:40 pm

    Oh man, I feel you on that one. I feel like I’m in a life limbo too! Yea, sure, I have a few things I want to do, but WHAT IF I don’t get it? THEN what? I know some say to invest 100% in the thing you want to do, but a Plan B is a must-have, you know? :/ But you know what? We’ll get through this.

    • January 26, 2014 / 12:51 pm

      Life limbo’s suck. Power to us, though!

  5. January 26, 2014 / 10:17 am

    Cool, thanks for the shout out! You are 21, you don’t need to know who you are and what you want to do with your life yet. You kind of just need to figure out who you want to be and where you want to eventually be and then gradually push yourself there. You will fail at some things and other things won’t go your way, but if you are persistent and really want it you can make it there. A five year plan though? Don’t do that, don’t even attempt to do that because if you don’t end up where you want to be you will be disappointed. I mean one year you may want to visit Canada, the next year you may want to volunteer in a third world country, but if that’s not part of your five year plan then it will be a distraction, so don’t do the five year plan, live for today.

    • January 26, 2014 / 12:51 pm

      No problem!

      Yup, I agree. It’s just a little hard when relatives are baring down on you to get what they think is a ‘secure’ job. Ah, well – I do what I want.

      I made that five year plan when I was 16 and thought I knew everything. I’m glad I didn’t stick it through because otherwise I wouldn’t have discovered my love for travelling. 🙂

  6. January 27, 2014 / 8:24 am

    I am really sorry to hear that things are a bit pooey at the moment. They will change though and hopefully you will be in a much better place really soon. It would be so hard after you have studied and completed it, and then trying to find where to go.

    I have trouble, in that I often feel like a child out in the world where I am supposed to be doing adult things, but it doesn’t make sense.

    I can see that being at your parents and still sharing a room would be so difficult. If you could have your own space, it might make things a lot better!

    I do hope that things will improve very soon.

    http://kya.nu

    • January 27, 2014 / 8:12 pm

      The word ‘pooey’ makes me laugh. I hope so too!

  7. January 27, 2014 / 4:48 pm

    I never know what I’m doing with my blog – my post topics switch all the time. It always panics me when people say the rule to successfully blogging is having a niche. I don’t think I could constantly write about one topic all the time, I love writing about different things too much. (And in different styles – my blog is an utter mess).

    I’m so glad I have my own room at home! I can’t believe you have to share with your sister, that must be a pain. I used to share with my sister, which is fine when you’re younger, but I think when you leave teen-years you need your own space. Definitely.

    And you’re only 21 so try not to worry about what you’re doing and just have fun. It’s not like you have kids to support or anything, so just enjoy your internship and the future will just happen. (I say this while constantly worrying over what on earth I’m going to do with my life after uni. Sorry for being a hypocrite haha.)
    xx

    • January 27, 2014 / 8:12 pm

      Fuck a niche. Write what you want to write 🙂

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