I’ve always had trouble showing how I feel. If I had to show how I feel then I would always get embarrassed and brush it off and say “Oh, it was just a joke! HAHA,”. Maybe, that’s why I decided to start a blog. Because if I couldn’t show my feelings about certain things and other people then I can write about them. That’s what I do, I write. I can write about my feelings about anything for hours. I can pour all my emotions into the lines I write and it’s great.
Well, it’s not great. Because, I want to tell them exactly how I feel without hiding behind the computer. I just wish I had the courage to do that. Maybe… I should take some kind of debate class? I don’t know… apparently, it boosts your confidence in talking to people.
I don’t know where all this suddenly came from but these past week I’ve just been feeling the need to show my feelings. Well, just feelings to a certain person but we shall not get into that. I can write anything in my blog but there are some things I actually cannot psychically write without seeming like a sappy loser… or breaking down in front of my laptop. There are just some things my laptop should not witness. And, yes I know I’m making out my laptop to be like a person. Loser alert.
Anyway, enough sappy talk. It makes my heart hurt to even write anything close to what I am feeling. I’ve taken to wandering around my house TALKING to myself. First signs of madness? Yes, I think so. Moving on…
The return of Glee! My friends and I were actually, SO excited. I loved the come back episode. But really, Rachel – please, just get back together with Finn. It’s for the good of ALL of us. I’m not saying anything in case any of you watch Glee – I’m not a spoiler kind of person – but let me tell you… SO GOOD. I’ve also been catching up on Ugly Betty, Season 4. I saw that the FINAL EVER EPISODE of UB aired last night in America. Heartbroken? Yes, I am. No more UB?! How can they do this to my life? It’s heart wrenching.
I actually have to go to work today but I have so much more to write that I will stop here and continue the post when I come back from work. The time is now 9:14 and I will be leaving in exactly one minute. Ciao, for now.
I was going to continue this blog as soon as I came home from work but I got caught up with watching Ugly Betty and watching NigaHiga on YouTube and tweeting and all sorts of things.
Today I had a good day. I was actually glad to be at work because it managed to take my mind off a few things. I also got my wages early. So, basically I was going to ask for some money from my commission because I’m going out tomorrow (Harvester! Can I get a “Woot, woot!”?) and I also need to top-up up phone because I miss texting Mutay and my boss was like, “Do you want your wages now?” And I was all like, “Well, I don’t mind…” and boom! My wage packet was in my hand before I knew it. Hurrah!
Random, but you know the reason I’ve been wearing leggings a lot more recently? Apart from the fact that I feel totally liberated in them… it’s like, I feel so free to move around in them! Leggings are so damn comfortable. Anyway, sidetracked – it’s because a certain someone said that I look better in them than I do in jeans. Which is totally stupid because I NEVER change anything for a guy. Well, at least I don’t think I do… Don’t you wish you could watch yourself back like a TV show and see all the mistakes you made? Then correct them? Hmm… I guess if you did that, life would be boring. That’s what makes us human, I think, making mistakes and then learning from them. Although, some people NEVER learn from their mistakes.
But the fact is I actually went with something because some guy said I look good in them. I don’t know how that makes me feel, to be honest. I don’t even know how I feel about some guy because he’s being such a bitch. And he’s not even there to be a bitch. I get that he may be busy but a “Hello” once in a while would be nice. People advised me against liking some guy who lives a fucking ocean away but me being me was stupid and yeah, well look where it’s got me…
I don’t want to give up, though. I don’t give up that easily. Just because it’s been a while since we’ve properly spoken, it doesn’t mean I have to give up. It also doesn’t mean I have to seem desperate. :/
You know what? I need a diary. I’m okay with writing this stuff in my blog but there are some things that need to be kept under lock and key and hidden under my pillow away from prying eyes (for example, my sister). I should start a diary. And this time it won’t be like all the other times where I thought the whole point of keeping a diary was to REPORT everything that happened in your day, what I ate for breakfast, etc. No, I’m going to record what happens but also my actual feelings.
I don’t know why I’m on this whole feelings thing nowadays. I’m sappy but I think I’m only sappy to REALLY close friends and you, my blog readers. To anyone else, I think (and yes, I think doesn’t mean it’s true) I come across as this loud, gutsy girl who greets you like you’ve been their best friend in FOREVER. Boo.
It’s 9:12PM now and my Yahoo! icon keeps staring at me but something tells me that tonight some guy won’t be online and NO, I’m not okay with that but I’m going to deal with it and do something better with my life instead of waiting. I don’t like to wait. Well, unless you’re Mutay… or Sham. Other than that, if you’re not there in 10 minutes you see me disappear so fast I leave a cloud of smoke behind me.
This post has been longer than my previous posts. I like it like that…
I have a lucky blue hoodie now because when I wore it today I seemed to be getting the most customers and when I’m busy with customers the day goes by faster. I liked that. Thank you, lucky blue hoodie from New Look.
PS. Did I tell you guys that I finished Ugly Betty? No?! WOAH, WHERE MY UGLY BETTY FILM AT?! No spoilers. 🙂 I sort of liked the way it ended and I sort of don’t… but the way they did end means there could a chance of a film. SCORE!
PPS. You guys should check out the link at the top my the page, 50 Books. It’s my challenge to myself to read all 50 books before I die – I’ve read a few of the titles already, so I think I can definitely do this. Wish me luck!