Lets talk about…
I feel like sex is still a taboo subject to talk about – in a candid way, anyway. Perhaps I’m not looking in the right place, but I can’t seem to find a lot of bloggers that openly talk about this subject. I want to be that person who opens the door to this discussion. Aside from textbooks and doctors, I feel like there isn’t someone who I can turn to and read about how they feel about sex on a personal level.
I’ve been watching Shannon Boodram’s videos lately. She’s amazing and so inspirational. Her videos have opened my eyes up not just to sex, but also to love and loving oneself.
My own opinions on sex have changed over the years. I was very sheltered growing up, so I was never given the sex talk. Coupled with the fact that I went to an all girls’ school run by nuns, you can bet I never had a great sex education. That’s one thing that bugs me. I understand that as a Catholic school, it probably isn’t proper to talk about sex, but at the same time not all of your pupils are Catholic. It’s better to be teaching people to have safe sex, than no sex at all. Curiosity leads to pregnancy. Just saying.
Living in a country that has free contraception, I still don’t understand why people don’t take advantage of it. Why be unsafe and risk being pregnant, when you can be safe and HAVE FUN. Yo, sex is fun. Hella fun when you don’t have to worry because you’re on birth control.
Anyway, I digress. Despite my mother being Catholic, she never actually told me that I should wait for marriage. I remember with my first boyfriend the only thing she said was to be careful. I don’t even know if that was alluding to sex or just being in a relationship in general, but I just took as both. My mum loves to dance around the subject. She’s not so uppity, now, but I kind of wish she could have been more open but I totally understand that not everyone can be open.
I definitely want to be that parent who is open with their child. Not too open, mind you, because there is just some stuff that is private. I would definitely want to give them a proper sex education, just so that when they do decide they are ready then they’ll know what to do. What is a good age to even begin that discussion, though? I watched a Buzzfeed video, where kids were asked where they think babies come from. I was really impressed with one kid who definitely knew more than he was letting on, but was just being a little shy about it. Good on ya, mum. He even knew about C-sections.
I don’t even know how I discovered how babies were made. I know for sure that I my mother didn’t tell me, so I think it must have been through a book because I did read A LOT when I was younger. The library was my haven. I remember I was messing around in my parents’ room when I was younger and I found a condom that had dropped underneath the bed, and being young and curious I opened it. Thinking about how gross condoms are, I quickly threw it back under the bed. My mother then came to me (my sister wasn’t born yet, and so it could have only been me who did that) and was like, “You found one of your dad’s balloons.” and then said nothing afterwards. Great talk, mum.
Sex is still fairly new to me. Exploring my body is still fairly new to me. I didn’t lose my virginity until my late teens, and even afterwards with the guys I’ve slept with I didn’t even know what I was doing (like, of course I did, but you know haha). It’s still all fairly new as to what I enjoy. I’m still trying to be comfortable with my body, in fact.
The way I look is a big thing for me. As an alopecia sufferer and just insecure about my lumps, bumps and eczema, it takes a lot for me to be intimate with someone as just my whole self. If I am showing you my true self (as in no wigs, no extensions, no hair sh*t), then I love you. Getting deep here, guys. You can totally have sex without love being involved, in my personal opinion. Sex doesn’t always have to be that ‘making love’ kind of sex. Sex can be just that ‘I need to let some f**king steam out because I’ve had a bad f**king day’ kind of sex. Sex can be whatever the hell you want it to be. However, as I said before if I am sleeping with you and my physical guards are down, then boy. Boooooy.
There’s always a stigma about girls sleeping around. It’s not fair. What if you just like having sex, you’re comfortable with your body and know what you want? Who are people to judge? I actually wrote about this in my Amsterdam post regarding prostitution – sure there are some that are thrown into that kind of work and can’t help it, but there are the ones that choose to be a sex worker and yet they are berated like they are a piece of sh*t. Yet, you’re perfectly fine with having sex with them anyway and throwing your money at them. OK.
How is it that if a guy sleeps around he is just a ‘player’? Sure, he can get called a man whore, but I feel like it isn’t as bad as being called a ‘slut’ or a ‘ho’ or a ‘whore’. Say no to slut shaming. If a girl wants to sleep with loads of guys, then why. Do. You. Care? It’s not your body. It’s not your choice. Leave her be. It’s not your business.
Are numbers such a big thing? My ex boyfriend was obsessed with how many people I had slept with. I honestly didn’t give a flying monkey about how many he had slept with. It doesn’t matter to me. If I’m with you, then I’m focused on you and whom I slept with in the past is irrelevant. That is why it is the past.
Find someone who treats you like goddess. Someone who will appreciate every single bit of your. Someone who will cater to your needs and isn’t selfish, and actually asks you what it is you want. Someone who doesn’t make you feel insecure, and whom you can strip in front of and proudly say, “I am a freaking hot mama.” Return the favour, though. It is a two way street, after all.
Before all of that… Appreciate yourself. Stand in front of the mirror one day, naked, and wink at yourself. Throw yourself a compliment. Shake that arse. Once you realise how flipping sexy you are, you go out and conquer that world. Be the Khaleesi you wish to be.