let’s be honest

I realise that I have not actually blogged about this and you probably don’t even take note of what I write in the sidebar but apart from the fact that my age has changed, so has my relationship status.

I didn’t really want to write about it but actually, it has been eating me up a bit inside and I always want to be honest with my readers before you notice something is wrong within the way I write and it all goes up in arms.

Honestly, I am fine now because it has been like over a month since it happened but I think I’m writing this now mainly for the fact that it would have been our one year anniversary tomorrow and despite the fact that I want to ignore the date, it is pretty hard not to.

Now, I’m trying so hard not to sound like a wet wipe but you know, it’s kind of hard not to. Especially considering that I was really happy when I was with him which is cheesy but frankly, dear, I don’t give a damn. (No. I have not watched ‘Gone With the Wind’ but it felt appropriate to include that quote here)

I was speaking to Mutay on Skype the other day, and I actually said to myself, ‘What the hell have I done all year?’ Oh, I know. Spent every single waking moment with my boyfriend instead of going out and socialising. I mean, I wasn’t that much of an anti-socialist but now I think about it I hardly ever went out and missed out on awesome nights to go out clubbing or go to comedy shows or simply just hanging with the girls. When I thought about it, I kind of regret getting a boyfriend so soon because I could have had A LOT more fun in my first year – I did have fun but there are limitations when you’re in a relationship, I think.

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So, now I’m stuck living with my ex which is going to be awkward for me but definitely not him because oh, that’s right, “You’re still my best friend”. Bull. How do you expect me to go from being in a relationship to best friends straight away? He still emails me and asks how I’m doing in China which is nice but then I’m sitting looking at my computer screen, thinking, “Just stop forcing the friend thing. It’ll happen when it happens.” I’m glad I’m away for 4 months, makes it a little bit easier to deal with.

Now that I think about it properly, although I was crying like a bitch when we broke up – I’m kind of glad we did. I mean, I am only 19. I have many years ahead of me to do whatever the fuck I want and actually, I’m enjoying single life very much because I don’t have to worry about anybody and nobody has to worry about me except friends and family, of course. I am inherently available 24/7 and don’t have to plan around a relationship and actually, I LOVE single life.

When I was young I was obsessed with getting a boyfriend that when I got my first one at the age of 13, I was all giddy and happy and acting just as you would expect a teenager to act. That only lasted a summer and then I was back to moaning about not having a boyfriend and pining after a boy I would see every morning at the 363 busstop (Mutay, remember. 157 boy.). Then I got my second boyfriend at the age of 15, which lasted 3 months and I refused to talk about the breakup even though I cried like a bitch then. Then I went on a failed date where the boy cornered me in Topshop and told me he loved me even though we’d only known each other for roughly a month. By then, I was thinking I will never have any luck with guys and then stupid, idiotic, moronic me decided to fall for someone over the Internet. He lived in America and we used to talk for hours and Skype each other all the time and then he just disappeared off the face of the earth. I was devastated to say the least, and berated myself so much.

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I’m only writing about this because I feel that when I was younger (man, I feel old) that boys dominated my life and I feel that now I should move on from that and start thinking about myself and what I want. I mean, I want to be either a TV screenwriter or a radio DJ but definitely a novelist but how will I get there if I constantly think that having a boyfriend is the most important thing? Ugh. Boys suck, frankly.

Anyway, I feel much better now that I’ve got that off my chest and I realise I have a build up of comments that I need to return which I’ll get round to. Things have been a bit hectic now that my lessons have started back up and I’ve been playing a lot more ping pong nowadays. Next week our timetable has been fudged because of the Paralympic games, so our lessons have been moved to Saturday/Sunday. Gah.

They have this penchant of playing music during our classes. Classical.

I’ve decided that the affiliate thing is a bit annoying and so I’ll just have a list of people who I consider my friends. You don’t have to link me back (but it’d be nice), seeing as I’m such a shit blog keeper.

Chynna x

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4 Comments

  1. October 9, 2011 / 5:43 am

    Wow. I never heard his speech before. I bought iPod Touch Gen 4 because of its functionality. My friends were saying how I maximised the use of my iPod Touch. Haha.

    It’s good to be single. You are only 19. You still have a long way to go and long time to pick your next boyfriend. Meanwhile, enjoy the benefits of being single.

  2. October 9, 2011 / 4:55 pm

    What has happened in the past happened. You can’t do anything about it but to just learn about your mistake. You have an entire life ahead of you- don’t worry about this and that. And boys..

    I’ve been telling my friends for the past few months that having a boyfriend won’t take you far in high school because most likely, it’s not going to last after high school– especially in LA, if it does, the girls will end up pregnant.

    But just let go of the boy-girl crap and live your life starting now. Guys- you’ll eventually meet one but you know not to rush it. Never rush anything.

    Hopefully, with all of that said and done, you’ll be active on your blog again 😛

    Take care(:

  3. October 10, 2011 / 9:14 am

    Dude if you’re a sh*t blogkeeper, I’m the sh*ttest of all. hahaha

    OMG I FEEL HONORED :D<

    AND CLASSES ON SUNDAYS? OMG *dies*

    TAKE CARE YOU!!

  4. October 10, 2011 / 9:14 am

    Did my comment get in? :O It’s supposed to be a long one :O

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