Never in my almost 3 years of blogging have I ever felt the need to hide my blog. Until now. You may have noticed something slightly different. Just a change. A small to some but a big one to me. I have a new url. The sudden need to change my url from http://saranghaeyo.info to http://theinvisiblechild.info came around two days ago in class when two boys in my class sat there laughing in their chairs as my teacher went about reading my blog. Out loud. In front of everybody.
I have never felt so humiliated in my life and actual tears spilled out of my eyes because she happened to be reading the previous blog which at the bottom boasted a very long rant about my ex and his new girlfriend and my whole living situation, something which I am not privy to telling people about unless of course they ask. Luckily, she only read part of the Shanghai bit but the humiliation was still set and I sat there for the rest of the class not speaking.
What the boys don’t understand is that there is a difference between my blog being read and my blog being read out loud. I said that there’s some personal stuff on there, and they just laughed obnoxiously and asked, “Then why is it on the Internet?”. I don’t even know myself but partially because it’s probably one of the only places I can seek comfort in – I can get genuine opinions from people that don’t know me and not a false sort of sympathy you get from some people in real life. Sure, to some it may seem silly for some people to have their personal information about their lives on display but for me it’s the only way I can express myself. You can have a diary, sure, but whenever I’ve had one it’s never lasted. You can talk to people, sure, but I find that the hardest thing to do and people piss me off so, so much.
I don’t mind my blog being read by my friends, or people who go to the same university – I mentioned in a previous post that one of the guys in the group found my blog (he almost happened to be the same person who was laughing in class, as well, which irked me to no end). That’s just it though, you can read it just not read it in front of a bunch of people whilst I am in the room. Or even when I’m not in the room. Blogs, to me, are not meant to be read outside of the computer, if you know what I mean? They are the sort of thing you read to yourself and then perhaps you want to comment, so you do, but other than that you leave it.
So, here I am with a new url – a url I find fitting because I’m sure that nobody will be able to find me unless I want them to. Partially because I like Misfits as well.