Anger and Happiness

Have you ever felt angry? Like angry, angry. Not the kind where you’re just angry for like 10 minutes because someone’s minutely pissed you off but I mean the kind of anger where you can hold a grudge for days… weeks, months or years even or you are that close to actually punching someone’s face.

I have.

The thing is I have a temper. It is the fiercest temper you have ever seen if you come into contact with it; like a small tornado hurtling towards you. And no, I am not exaggerating nor am I bigging up my own temper but I mean I am slightly proud of it. I can hold myself together quite well considering but afterwards is when I really breakdown because deep down that person has really hurt me.
For example, this temper came out to play on Wednesday.

I haven’t been angry in a LONG time. I don’t even remember the last time I got angry before that but I just remember that on that Wednesday I was beyond angry. Like, I started seeing stars and Emma had to calm my breathing and some girl commented that she could “feel my anger radiating towards her, and that I should calm down.” And I did. I really did try to calm down but once I’m riled up there is no stopping me.

Your probably wondering, why the heck was she so angry for? The thing is, I think that this anger had been building up. Usually I can tolerate things and they just fade in the background and I don’t notice them but this has been building up for ages and in the end I just exploded like a volcano. Basically, my English teacher is to blame for my sudden eruption.

I’m sure you’ve all heard me complaining about him in past blog posts. I think he is the worst teacher I’ve ever had. I can’t say in the world, because I know there are worst teachers out there but he is the worst teacher that has ever taught me. Well… tried to.

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I’m not going to say this is his entire fault because let’s face it; I’m not the best student in the world. I admit that. I talk in lesson, I tend to annoy or distract people but not on purpose and sometimes I don’t even get any work done in the class but I’m not the worst student. I do actually do work, I get average grades (although, I know I can do better) and from time to time I can be quiet, if I want to. However, when it gets to a point where someone is insulting me or being really patronising I say enough is enough.

I talk in class; he tells me to go and die. No, I am not joking. Seriously, what kind of teacher tells a student to go and DIE? I fidget around a little; suddenly he’s bearing down on me like a weight and won’t get off my back, shouting that I should get my work done.

It’s just those little things that have been building up. I mean, it’s not like I’m the only one he picks one because God knows we bitch about him after the lesson is finished but on Wednesday I had just had enough of the way he was acting toward my friends and I.

Quote: “Oh, Emma, I know you can’t absorb information for more than 3 seconds… but do try.” Said in one of those voices adults often use when they talk to little children. He may have been joking but there’s a certain line where you are my teacher and not my best buddy, so who the heck do you think you are talking like that to my friend?

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I was trying to get my point across and he started talking over me and that’s when I switched. I was hollering left, right and centre. I was shouting so loudly that I think I may have scared the teacher next door and one of my friends commented the next day that she could hear me from Crystal Palace (not literally, of course, but just to get the point across). I just got sick of being spoken to in such a patronising way. Teachers go on and on about treating us students like we are adults but at the end of the day they go back on that word and still speak to us as though we were in year 7 or something. Also, the fact that if a student starts “abusing” the teacher they get so much stick for it but if a teacher starts “abusing” a student nothing whatsoever gets down. I hate my school system. I can’t really say all school systems because although they may be relatively the same some are different from others.

I would go and say I’m sorry but what would be the point? I won’t sorry unless I mean it. I certainly don’t. That would just be insincere and I don’t do insincere.

Of course, I’ve been feeling a lot better since Wednesday. I got in about 40 minutes ago from a party; it was my mum’s friend’s daughter’s birthday today – she turned 4. It was one of your typical Filipino parties except this time there was no Filipino food (sad face) as we were in a Mexican restaurant. They still had the karaoke though – because we were in the small hall upstairs of the restaurant – so the projector was out and everyone (apart from me) was singing along on Magic Sing-a-long. I haven’t been to a Filipino party in a long time because they are usually on Saturdays and that’s when I work but I sure have missed them.

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All the little kids running around trying to look for the balloons; or the new mothers cooing over each other’s newborn babies; or the men who think they are all macho, macho. Ah, Filipinos make me laugh.

I’ve noticed that despite most of the Filipino children growing up over here they still have acquired an accent. Therefore, I reckon if my mum was properly integrated into the Filipino community (as in she didn’t talk to anyone apart from mainly Filipinos) then I would probably have an accent and speak Tagalog too. Apparently I could sing Bahay Kubo (Nipa Hut) when I was 4 years old. Obviously, I don’t remember but that is a pretty cool achievement for a 4 year old.

You know the happiest feeling right now for me; walking back home in dark clutching onto 4 pink balloons that have “Birthday Girl” written on them and my Looney Tunes umbrella propped against my shoulder and listening to track no. 9 on Jay Chou’s album or making funny faces at a baby and making them laugh so that they try to make a funny one themselves.

Bahay kubo, kahit munti
Ang halaman doon, ay sari sari
Sinkamas at talong, sigarilyas at mani
Sitaw, bataw, patani.

Kundol, patola, upo’t kalabasa
At saka mayroon pang labanos, mustasa,
Sibuyas, kamatis, bawang at luya
Sa paligid-ligid ay puno ng linga.

Chynna x

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11 Comments

  1. November 14, 2009 / 2:52 am

    omg, wtf, your teacher should be reported. Atleast you held your own and got your point across.

    How’s your accent? Jamaican and British?

  2. November 14, 2009 / 7:25 am

    a teacher cannot say those insulting words to a student, aww that teacher, if i were you i would be burning mad too!
    i’m proud to be a filipino, even you’re sad , they have ways to make u smile. we’re really cheerful.
    i love to sing bahay kubo , just that sometimes i forget the lyrics 😀

  3. November 14, 2009 / 9:56 am

    Wow.
    I think I know just the kind of person your English teacher is. I have a strong dislike for people who think they can talk or “joke” with you any kind of way and they happen to be a few of those at my school and they always seem to be males. To me, I think it’s those kind of people who lead some kids to cutting themselves or being suicidal.

    What person wants to hear someone tell them to go and DIE? Some people, can’t take words like that and it will do nothing but lower their self esteem but I guess some people can’t understand that.

    I find that I just have a flat out bad attitude and who knows how I would have reacted to your situation if it were me. Hopefully I won’t ever get the chance to find out either.

    And in reply to your comment which is oh so late, sorry (: gosh I love sorority life and facebook oh so much. That’s the reason why I’m behind in my school work now and I like all sorts of books except I don’t really care for non-fiction books that much. Right now I’m currently reading a few books, but I’m anxious to read Eclipse, the third book in Stephanie Myer’s Twilight Saga (:

  4. November 15, 2009 / 4:46 am

    I probably have the same fierce temper as you do. It’s been a long while since I became so angered as well and I doubt I’d be able to hold my anger in if he were my teacher. I don’t think people like him deserved to be teaching. How can someone like him instill respect in students when he doesn’t even know how to practice it? I’d report him straight to the dean or whoever’s available as soon as I can. I’d make sure he’d get pwnd. Hah.

  5. November 15, 2009 / 4:54 am

    you know what? your teacher should really be reported!!!! Some of my teachers are like that but they don’t go too far just like yours…. -_-

    Anywayzz…. wow, you learned how to sing bahay kubo when you were 4 years old…. i learned that when i was 7!!! and up until now, i still forget the lyrics of it… haha 😀

  6. November 15, 2009 / 7:51 am

    I’ve never come to the point where I hate a teacher that much. >__<

    And YAYYYYYYYY Filipino parties. ____<

    Well, I didn't start swearing because it became the norm. One day, I just got really mad and it helped me get over it. I still don't like swearing very much. :/ Yeah, people who have.. dirty mouths should go and clean them with soap. I watched a reality show where the dad actually did that to his kids.. it was terrible 🙁

  7. November 15, 2009 / 1:19 pm

    Hey
    I did know about Doctor Who – I’m so excited.
    I have hot anger, so it never lasts over a day. The longer it lasts, the safer the person who has annoyed me is. The shorter…as in if I turn round and scream at you… RUN!!!
    Depending on how hot my anger gets, it can be hard to control it. I just want to rip the world up when I’m angry. But I cool down and I love it again.
    That’s just the way it is.
    My english teacher has been really moody for the last 2 weeks. She always looks tired and is always impatient. It’s annoying. But hey, what can I do?
    Soph
    x

  8. November 15, 2009 / 8:24 pm

    You know what? If had seen your teacher treating you and your friend so badly, I would have kicked his sorry butt ’till he would suspend me from school =_= Who The F*** does he think to be?!?!? I hate it when teachers act like they’re omnipotent and like if students are an inferior race!
    Hope you’re going to feel better soon, Chynna 🙁 *hug*
    Oh, Filipino parties ^^ Never been at one, but they look sorta ‘cozy’ (in the family way I mean). So nice.

    – Ratty

  9. November 16, 2009 / 11:06 pm

    Believe me, I think I know what you mean.
    My history teacher acts all buddy buddy with his students but doesn’t know where to cross the line at all. I personally think he is perverted and so is the person standing in for my chemistry teacher. What teacher asks their students whether or not their mom is sexy and purposely makes certain students get up just so her can stare at their butt?

    I love fiction. The Twilight Saga, I really don’t know how I feel about it but it has captured my attention. I really anxious to know what happens in the end. The only reason why I started reading it in the first place was because everyone was talking about it so I wanted to see what all the talk was about.

  10. November 19, 2009 / 6:05 am

    Hahaha, sleeping on the floor. Yeah, that’s what I was going to do too. Save money on mattresses. 😀 And I think it’s kind of better than sleeping on a bed. Like harder surfaces… are better? Or that’s what I’ve heard.

    You look at frog legs.. and they look like CHICKEN legs just in the shape of frog legs. They have the crispy outer layer just like chicken wings… So really, no biggie. They serve snails at the restaraunt.. I wanted to TRY.. but they weren’t there that day 😛

    Homework does not equal fun. I’ve been so JAM PACKED. It’s difficult to be able to get enough sleep. I should have gone to sleep but I was like NO COMMENTS.. or at least a few. 😛 I’m behind in life.. I finally caught up… slightly ish with homework. Except collegio just continues to bog me down :/

  11. November 21, 2009 / 5:04 am

    All British accents sounds posh to me 😀
    Bahamian dialect is just wrong, lol.
    Your dad doesn’t have a Jamaican accent?

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